The door to happiness opens from the inside..

Finding out who you really are as a person can take quite sometime, and infact it can take longer for others and that includes me. Earlier this year I turned 20 years old, I'm aware that I am still very young but honestly after 20 years I can just about say that I am finally figuring out who I really am as a person. I get that sounds a little bit insane, but I will finally put my hand up and admit that for a massive chunk of my 20 years on this Earth that I tried to be someone that I realistically was never going to be which led to me being the most un happy girl on this earth, and to be honest 4-5 years of my teens were a blur. On the outside was the shell of Caoimhe Hickey but in the inside I was a totally different person.

Some of you are still probably reading this and thinking to yourself "What on earth is this one on about?" but don't give up on me just yet, continue to read down throughout this post and it will hopefully make sense by the end, that is if I don't get sidetracked in the mean time. So going back to the point of living two lives, Don't worry I'm not Miley Cyrus the second, What I mean is that on the outside is that I came across extremely confident, happy and content with every aspect of my life and yes, you could say that but to an extent. I had absolutely everything that I needed in life, a loving family, a roof over my head, food on the table and most importantly I had the ability to walk, talk, hear and see as I pleased, so I really wasn't lying when I said I had everything ,was I? On top of all those necessities my Mam and Dad always went above and beyond on our birthdays and Christmas to make it as special as possible and looking back over the years it's only now I'm starting to realise the sacrifices that they both made for me and my siblings.Now don't get me wrong I had the dream childhood, and that is all down to my parents who as I said went above and beyond for us but this hatred towards myself really began in my early teens

Bearing all that in mind, I should feel exactly how I said I was on the outside right? Confident, happy and content with every aspect of life.... but the answer is 100% the opposite but why is that? Well the answer is pretty simple I was missing possibly the most important thing I needed to get by in life and that was Self worth. I know hate is a strong word but when I say it I literally mean I HATED myself, and every single thing about myself! To the extent that everything I had, I wanted the total opposite of it and yes I do get that its the same with all of us, we all want what we can't have but for me it was to an un natural extent but do you really want to know what the main culprit of the hatred was?..... My weight- I mean I was obsessed with wanting to be skinny. Mam - I know you're reading this and I've finally admitted it. I lived in a world where I honestly thought that being skinny was the be all and end all.  Each and every one of my friends were size 8 maximum and I'm not gonna lie I was wearing a size 18 and 20 up until 2 years ago. The pressure I put on myself and my body was un natural. There were days I starved myself in hope that Id loose weight- but how wrong was I.

You're probably still trying to figure out what is the point in the post? but here it comes. If I could back to my 14 year old self and have a chat with her it would go as follows:

"Dear 14 year old Caoimhe,

What is the one thing that bothers you most in life Caoimhe? - I'm sure the reply I would get is "Im Fat". So out of everything that is the one thing that sticks out as the most important thing that bothers you? listen to yourself, there are innocent people passing away who would kill to carry a bit of weight so that they could stay a chance of their body fighting an illness and you are punishing your body in the hope to loose weight, when infact you are doing more harm to yourself, your body and your mind? You are 14 the age where the biggest worry should be what your going to wear to the next disco or who's house your going to for the next sleepover, not how are you going to become size 8 just to fit in with everyone else? You will learn so much over the coming years believe me by the age of 20 you will be the most content that you have ever been with your life, your happiness will resume to exactly what it was like during your childhood and why is that? Because over the years you will loose friends, you will gain friends, and most importantly you will figure out who your true friends are, you will have  plenty ups and downs- but guess what? there  will be so many more ups to make up for all those times that things didn't go as planned, not alone all that you will meet a boy who will love you for exactly who you are as a person and not for what you look like but will simply just Love you because you are simply just YOU as you are and will change your life, you will have over come a pile of health problems but you will come out the other side still fighting, you will have a family who will support you no matter what you do in life, how amazing is it to know that out of everything in the world no matter what you will have 4 people who will catch you when you fall and yes that 4 people includes your amazing sister Leanne, who will be your biggest role model and someone that you will forever look up to and not forgetting Keelan the one who will teach you that talent has no limits and relistically he has a heart of gold behind his manly appearance.Most importantly and above all can I leave you in to a massive secret Caoimhe one that is possibly going to change your life forever, This doesn't happen over night it takes time,patcience, hope and preserverance. How would you feel if I was to tell you that once you finish up school and enter the real world that everything would be ok and your life is going to be completely different for all the right reasons and guess why? because you will have learned to stop WORRYING about every single little thing and you will actually start to live your life, and let me tell you why you will start to live your life.. You will realise that you were trying to be the polar opposite to who Caoimhe Hickey really is, you were trying to fit in with people who relistcially you will never fit in and more importantly you will finally start to value yourself, and accept that after all you are you for a reason,  those stretch marks that cover your body, those scars, those freckles and that ginger tinge that comes through your hair every so often are all things that make you who you are. If you didn't have them you wouldn't be you. What will happen when you finally stop worrying 5 years later you ask? Well thats the interesting part your life will completely change for the better, your group of friends might have gotten smaller but you know that no matter what they will have your back, you will achieve things that you will have never imagined you could achieve, your weight will slowly start to fall into place but that is irrelevant because the main thing is you will be HAPPY and let me tell you that is all that matters, once you are happy and healthy that is all that matters, so give it time, don't be so harsh on yourself, "life is like a rollercoaster. Sometimes you close your eyes and hold on in shear terror & other times you just have to raise your hands up in the air and enjoy the ride" You'll get their believe me.

Love 20 Year Old Caoimhe x"

I hope that this post will reach at least one teenager who can relate to this post before you end up wasting 4 or 5 years of possibly the best years of your life being unhappy in yourself.  Unfortunately Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you. I regret so much but that is why I am so determined to be successful to make up for what I missed out on over the past few years. I honestly say it over and over again but the minute I started to accept myself for who I am is the exact moment that my life began to change for the better and everything slowly but surely started to fall into place. If I can turn my life around then believe me so can you, some of you probably would have never thought that I would have ever been so unhappy but believe me a smile can hide so much. Although I promise you that when you see my smiling now, its 100% a smile that shows honestly how happy I am, and I suppose how much I love my teeth hahaha. 

I could honestly keep typing for the rest of the night on this topic, I absolutely love writing personal posts as I can pump 110% into them as it purely comes from the bottom of my heart. Id love to know if you would like to see some more personal posts in the future. Thank You so much for taking the time to read my posts. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Please leave your feedback in the comments. 

Until Next Time.

Much Love,

Caoimhe ( The 20 Year old Happy One) x

Our stay at The Heritage Killenard ..

THE HERITAGE KILLENARD

So A week later I'm finally getting around to writing about our night awny the 5* Heritage Hotel Killenard. If I was to only use one word to sum it up, it would be AMAZING!! Of course ill go a little further into detail with our stay so that you can kind of get a teeny bit more of an insight to what the resort is really like from Activities, Dining, Interior and overall expierience.

Colin and I are always very last minute, purely because if we plan anything in advance nearly 100% of the time something comes up and we end up having to cancel and then not gonna lie I end up sulking, so for both of us its just easier to book something last minute that way no one ends up been let down and I suppose its more exciting when its last minute.

 I am very fortunate in the way that I do get to spend quite a lot of time with Colin, on the other hand because we do get to see each other so often that sometimes we can take each other for granted so   I really do think its so important to get away every now and then to take some time out from the real world and literally just enjoy each others company.I was going to say get away to  put your feet up and relax but I don't think the word relax is In Colin's vocabulary, hence why we have barely any pictures together..

So last Monday we decided that we would just go for one night away and we choose the 5* Heritage Hotel in Killenard. If you were listening to my snaps earlier this week you would have known that in one way I am very fortunate that I am with someone who is so heavily involved and passionate about Golf purely because when we do tend to get away 99% of the time it has a golf course attached but on the other hand the Hotel that the golf course is on, is generally Top Quality, so I can't complain as its a win win situation as you can clearly see in the picture below that views, and location is breath taking.

I had never been to the Heritage hotel before but i had heard such great reviews so its was definitley at the top of our list to go to. We got a really good price for the night so off we went on Tuesday morning Bright and early. Of Course, I had completely over packed as per usual but then when we arrived I had forgotten half of the things that I actually needed and I had brought loads of unnecessary  clothes, realistically I was only gone for a night but sure you never know when you might have an outfit catastrophe, so its always better to be prepared.

When actually arrived 3 Hours before the check in time because Colin was due to go golfing but thankfully our room was ready when we arrived so it all worked out great as we had some time to chill before we headed out on the golf course. I never mind going out on the golf course when we are away because we always get a buggy- well Colin gets a buggy just to keep me quiet so that he can play in peace. I said on snapchat during the week that normally when we go away, theres always so much to do around the location of the hotel so we generally never get to relax.

The heritage is situated in a beautiful area, its kind of out in the middle of nowhere but for the first time ever I actually loved every minute of been out in the country side, saying that though there was still a far amount to do within the resort. Theres a play ground and fairy garden trail for the kids, the Golf Course, and Golf Practice area which is suitable for everyone and every age, and of course there is a Fabulous 5* Spa and swimming facilities too if you really want to relax and unwind- but to be honest you don't even have to leave your room to feel relaxed. The interior of the room is just GOALS, the room we stayed in which was their most standard basic room of all was my dream bedroom, so I can only imagine what the upper class rooms would look like.Our room was beautifully decorated, it had Complimentary robes and slippers, tea and coffee facilities, a mini fridge, Sky Channels, Netflix on the TV, a fabulous Bath and the worlds comfiest bed. The staff go above and beyond to make your stay as relaxing and enjoyable as possible, when we retuned from dinner later that night, we arrived back to the butlers chocolates on the bed, thats an example of the extremes that they go to. Have a peak at our room below in the pictures, and you'll see exactly what I'm on about--->

Because we were so last minute I didn't actually book in for any treatments but we used the leisure facilities attached and I did have a peek at the Spa facilities and they were outstanding, the cleanliness, the atmosphere and the staff were second to non. The heritage itself is really suitable for everyone its such versatile hotel that offers so much for everyone of all ages, as I said its ideal for families with young kids, for couples. for a group of lads who want to go on a golf outing or for a group of girls who want a ladies day out at a Spa resort I honestly couldn't recommend it enough.

 I actually couldnt fault one single aspect of our stay at the Heritage and that is saying something for me, because ill Put my hadn't up and admit I am the PICKIEST person on earth, not when it comes to hotels but when it comes to dining in hotels. Of course thats no-ones fault but my own as I'm the one who is picky, Ive said it thousand of times before I, Caoimhe Hickey am the definition of a Plain Jane. We decided to eat at the Golf Clubhouse restaurant called "Judge Roy Beans" which over looked the 9th and 18th hole of the golf course which was absolutely stunning might I add. To Top it all off the Food was Out of this world, there wasn't a scrap of food left on both of our plates and thats a rare occurrence for me. Breakfast was served In the dining room of the Hotel the next morning and it also exceeded our expectations, we were treated like royalty. Once again so much to choose from which is extremely good when your as picky as me and they also had a wide range of Gluten free products for those who are Coeliac which was great to see . Colin and I enjoyed our food too much that I forgot to take a picture of the food so heres a picture of my outfit for Dinner ---->

Colin and I enjoyed our stay at the Heritage so much that we have decided that we will return their in the coming month to celebrate his 21st Birthday. If you are looking for somewhere to go for a break away from the real world I would definitely recommend looking into staying at the Heritage Killenard as I promise you will not be disappointed.

Once again apologies in the delay of uploading this post but life has been hectic, in a good way of course. Thats all for now, I hope you enjoyed reading about our time at the Heritage, if you have any other questions be sure to send me a message via Facebook or Snap me on "itsallaboutm.e".  I should have my Penney's Press Day blog post up on Sunday evening so be sure to stay tuned.

Until Next Time.

Much Love,

Caoimhe xx